Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
