i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
