dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
