I'm lost and stupid without you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize