I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize