so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
