My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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