I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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