I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
