even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
