I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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