is your mom at the bar?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
