I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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