I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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