You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
