She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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