i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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