tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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