I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
