I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
