I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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