im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Holy shit dude........stairs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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