Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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