My balls are so social today.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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