It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
