dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
