it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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