i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You can't special order awesome
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
