You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
