As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
