I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
