After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's on the porch naked. Help.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
