HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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