he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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