i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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