I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
