I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
