I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
