he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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