need another drink. this is the easiest way
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.