how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?