You can't motorboat a personality
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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