If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
