while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize