after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
