even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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