i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
