Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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