she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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