remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
