I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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