You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
