Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
