He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
