so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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