i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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