i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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