I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
