About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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