I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
