I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The Olympian is in my bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
