I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
