Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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