I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
